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Originally Posted by sunrise
I think suggesting you watch a TV show about how to look like a model is out of line. Why does he think you want to look like a model? If you didn't tell him that, it seems like he is trying to get you to look the way he thinks you should look, and that is really not up to him. You have your own sense of style, fashion, etc.
My T has occasionally commented on something I have worn to session that he likes, such as a necklace or my shoes. But beyond that, he has said nothing.
My PNP has mentioned my weight to me, but I think that is within her scope of practice.
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The way he brought it up was by asking what other people (friends I was talking about) think I look like, and then asking whether I'm comfortable with what I look like. Those are somewhat legitimate questions, but it does bother me that he brought it up when I didn't say I'm concerned about it. I'm not terribly confident about how I look, but, then again, other than health related things, spending more effort on how I look is
really not a priority for me to spend my time on now. I think my lack of confidence reflects the reality that our culture doesn't tend to approve of enough variety of appearances for women. I would rather acknowledge the reality that strangers are not going to tend to see me as beautiful than to put a lot of effort into trying to conform. So I guess I should try to explain this to t.
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Originally Posted by ECHOES
So, maybe you ought to suggest your T watch Dr. Phil or Monk or The Soprano's to see how to look like a therapist ....
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hehe
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Originally Posted by lastyearisblank
This reminds me of my ex who would pinch back my upper arm back until it was like a taut, model like stick and say, "you would be so much prettier if your arm was like this!" God he was obnoxious. Guess what? My arms still don't look like sticks. And they never will. I do yoga with them. I carry books, groceries, and furniture. I play my guitar. Sometimes I sleep on them. I need my arms to have muscle and fat on them.
Still, I think these little criticisms do get to us. It bothered me. Subconsciously. Until I watched a Julia Robert movie a few weeks ago (Julia Roberts! One of the most beautiful women in the movies! Basically a human giraffe) and noticed that HER arms are a little wobbly too at the top-- they're NOT like sticks.
Whew.
I have noticed that a lot of men see "potential" in a good woman. It comes with the territory. The tricky thing is to surround yourself with people who see the value in a good woman. Like so many people are almost literally blind to what is around them.
Is your therapist going to help you on this quest?
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a Chinese guy I dated briefly did that thing with my arms too, lyib. It was over 10 years ago and I still remember, so I guess it did get to me. And my arms were practically sticks, especially by US standards.
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Originally Posted by treehouse
Oh wow. I am super triggered by feeling like I'm being "checked out" so that would have bothered me.
My T has never said anything about how I look. He may have said "pretty" once in a long list of words that were supposed to replace a long list of old words I have about myself in my head. But that's it.
I have long hair, and once during my therapy, I got a lot cut off...like up to my shoulders. T didn't say ANYTHING, but it was SO obvious.
He did comment on my shoes once when I wore something besides Birkenstocks 
If you brought up your appearance first, then I could see him commenting on in, but even then, only in a curious way...like "what would you like to change about your appearance?".
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Yeah, the fact that it was his idea to bring it up bothers me.
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Originally Posted by dizgirl2011
My T has made a few comments to me about things and I never feel comfortable when she does. I think she thinks shes helping when she has done it.
She did say how she thinks I hide myself with what I wear, as at times i didnt take off my coat and I usually always were some form of jacket. She was saying how I use it as a barrier. She has talked a lot about diet and exercise since I am over weight and have had eating disorders too. When I tell her I am uncomfortable about it she says shes not talking about my weight but about being healthy etc but it always got on my nerves. She is very slim small and extremely pretty so to talk about such stuff when I am really overweight right now is horrible and it does make me self conscious.
I can't remember exact comments, she doesnt say "oh your fat" or anything like that but its more than I feel self conscious and even the comment she made about hiding by wearing jackets etc made me think "omg she's taking note of what i am wearing".
It seems really wrong for a therapist to suggest to a client that they watch a show geared at making women into models. was there a reason for watching this particular type of show? Was it for you to see the self confidence of the women or something?
*huge hugs* |
Yeah, he did talk about self confidence, but it was pretty clear he meant more than just that. He talked about how they use stretching. Yeah right, that's going to make a lot of difference.
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Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge
>> sometimes they don't realize that hair and makeup are what are affecting a woman's appearance- they think it's just "confidence".
 or not!!!
when I was in my teens, my parents had a friend who was about halfway between my age and theirs. He brought various girlfriends with him when he came to visit, and one day he told us that he had proposed to a certain girl - one who reallllllllllly overdid it in the makeup department. He said, the thing he loved about her was that she was so natural. I coughed....He really had no idea that she wore anything.
Before the wedding she told me confidentially that she was petrified, and was planning to get up an hour or two before him, every day, forever, so that she could put her "face" on before he saw her. I felt very badly for her, even at that age I could tell how poorly she thought of her real self. I hope they are happy - two very nice people really. |
Wow, that's quite a story and it sure confirms what I was thinking. I hope the couple is happy too.