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Jun 03, 2011, 10:38 PM
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Member Since: May 2011
Posts: 78
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hi JD--i do get it. i hear you, and i understand.
it does feel like ptsd is "terminal" in that it appears i will die with it. and at times it causes such inner and outer misery, we might as well have died.
in my case, i have a personal family member who traumatized me, and that feels like an impossible betrayal. who can one trust? in your case, an accident befell you and afterward people you should be able to expect to do right keep harassing you. it is often more than one feels one can take.
there are times when i can push away the rage and function with some distance away from it in my daily life. my earliest abuse occurred from birth, 50 years ago. i have worked for 15 years (this May was the anniversary) to put it behind me, and still the videos play in my mind and the physical reminders rise up and cause pain and eventually possible serious consequences.
the more recent abuse was 10 years ago (this May, again), and again the perpetrator one near me.
could you be having an anniversary reaction now? i know your pain has been worse, so maybe that's contributing to the despair. one thing that helped me was writing my trauma narrative. it turned into a 20 chapter book, and it really felt like releasing pressure.
remember, even God's own son asked this cup pass from him. your faith is real, so is your suffering, and God through his son does know how you feel. God bless you! 
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