My husband and I are in counseling together. He left me about a year ago for another woman with whom he had been corresponding and confiding in by email--an old friend of his first (now deceased) wife. He was a widower when I met him and married him. Once he started in with the other woman, he no longer treated me right, and it seriously harmed our relationship. He has conflict phobia, and was running away from me, instead of dealing with the issues.

What our T has advised:

1. If you think you want to engage in another relationship, end the first one FIRST.

2. If you feel drawn to another or want to leave, tell your spouse: I am very upset with our relatonship and wll be forced to start a platonic (at first) relationship with another woman because I am lonely and need a female confidant. I do not find that anymore with you. I am very serious about this, and want to tell you before it happens.

He says if you haven't done #2, you haven't tried everything with your spouse. You need to tell your spouse how unhappy you are, so they can fix things if they still love you and want you. (Which it sounds like your wife may).

I'd encourage you to seek a couples counselor. Not all therapists are skilled at handling couples. It can make a world of difference. One thing our T suggested was that we read a book to each other. The author was Hugh Prather. We didn't find that book at first, but did find another by Hugh Prather and his wife Gayle: "I Will Never Leave You". We took turns reading it to each other at night. It was very helpful. Now we are reading "A Book for Couples" by the same authors. Worth a try.