There is a ginormous difference between a T telling you they find you attractive, and them telling you they don't find you attractive. They might as well be two different posts on two different issues. And the thing is, when the issue is brought up by the T, it's not really commenting on the patient as a sexual being; the patient's subjectivity, or experience of herself, or her desires, or her interests, is not really the focus. It's about the patient as viewed by the T, the patient as object. (Which is pretty narcissistic on the T's part.... but anyway.)

Obviously the way we present ourselves is important but the basic unconditional regard and respect in therapy shouldn't be dependent on dressing well. I would love my GP to tell me I look pretty, but I wouldn't go back to one who treated my illness more compassionately when I look "pretty". (And by whose standards? Can you really improve your life by tailoring your looks to 1 person's taste?) That to me is not a mark of competence in a T.