I shut down the other day. Emotions just went down the drain. I had a BAD argument with my best friend. The second argument ever we've had, but the very first bad one where he literally came out and told me I "pissed him off" and that he was tired of my bs. He was sick of how I "always turned our convs into crap about the past". This argument only went through maybe 5 bad lines then went into something good again.. something that might give it hope. Where people could forgive and forget because it was no longer bad.. But after hearing those things from him.. It was just so familiar. I was calm, but.. not good calm.. bad calm. Calm where I couldn't feel anything else. It was all so familiar, the "curse" that I have makes this same scenario happen over and over and over and over and over. Basically, this same thing has destroyed my friendships and relationship in the past. It was something I knew, but not something I expected from him.

Like I said it was bad, and it got better quickly, but now I can't even talk to him for more than 5 minutes. I cannot think of anything more to say other than one word responses. I feel just.. dead. I feel so distant, so far away from him. I don't FEEL hurt.. but maybe I am.. I just feel nothing.