Sorry LFMN - maybe you just need to give it a little time. Could you write him a letter explaining that you didn't expect this from him and you're working on how you deal with relationships now? Numbness is common when the feelings are too intense. Try to identify if you are hurt, confused, or whatever...Try not to feel like you are cursed! Try to feel like you are working on these things and that takes time. And remember - it sounds like a lot of these things are based on past experiences, that doesn't mean all your current/future relationships will be that way. Stay strong!