I don't have a therapist. I have had CBT in the past for depression, self-esteems issues etc.

It's hard to explain why i think i do it. It's like i'm trying to be this person that i'm not. Someone who's bolshy, funny, tough, strong minded. It's like i do these things to hurt myself.

It doesn't make me proud of myself. At all. I don't hurt people's feelings but i will open discussion about contentious issues, parenting,religion, politics, social issues and then play devils advocate. When people don't agree with me and get particularly irate with me, i feel terrible and ashamed.

I have a strong need to be liked and i am so controlled alot of the time, always measuring my responses, so as not to hurt people, always trying to do the right thing, be nice, be helpful, etc etc. Then once in a while i just blow it out the water.