I'm so frightened about how things are going.it seems so real to me that my life is just falling apart.god i cant even tell what is real and what isn't.i really feel like i am loosing my mind and i don't know what to do.i cant talk to my T at all it isn't like she will help anyway.i just cant .i so wish i could.i really didn't see how things were getting so bad.I'm at work in the HR office and i hear her outside talking to someone who came upstairs .she was saying that they need to leave and she has to get me to talk she was so nice i didn't think it was a trick to get me to talk but i guess it was.problem is as usual i cant . this is the same person who brought me to the hospital when i had that major panic attack at work about a year ago.things are really really bad at work.and home now.i am so overwhelmed i cant cope at all.total self destruct has taken over.i have been kind of demoted at work because of my behavior. what have i got left.work is bed ,home is bad ,my son is in Okinawa.i cant talk to anyone at all anymore i just go from day to day just avoiding anyone and praying i can just get through the day without having to have any major interactions with anyone.i want people to leave me alone it is only making things worse.the only people i can dump all this on is you guys and that isn't enough any more.things are to out of control and i am just scared.it has been two weeks sense T and i know i wont be able to say anything.i don't want to it will make things worse.I'm so scared.i swear i thought this guy at work wanted to hurt me.i don't know if it was real or not but it sure felt it ,but I'm sure everyone would just say it is in my head.i don't know but things arn't good and i feel so all alone and i am tired just so so tired.i don't know what else to say it doesn't seem to make a difference anymore anyway. i wish i could tell someone how bad i feel.how i wish i could just disapear.but i cant even open my mouth nothing will come out and i dont want to loose what little of me i have left.i kind of feal if i open my mouth that will seal the deal.