Hello
I was in a relationship with a woman for 12 years I caught her lying and cheating on me in the 10th year just days after my grandmother died. I stupidly stayed and tried to regain the trust that was shattered. But just ended up drainning myself completely. As they lying and cheating continued.
When I would catch her in a lie she would say "if i was trusting her I wouldn't have checked up on her" Instead of saying your right I'm still lying to you. All for not she left me for the other woman and commpletely blamed me for it and cut me out of her life. We have no communication and its doubtfull we ever will.
I grieved for her for a full year crying every day some times more than once a day. With the stress of it all I ended up getting diagnosed with a mental illness about 8 months after she finaly left.
I guess I'm just wondering if im going to have that sick feeling for the rest of my days. And why after all she put me through ,granted I could have and should have left, but I still loved her and tried with everything I had to save us.
Youd think with all that I'd be over her and wouldn't still be hurting but I miss her every day. I wake in the morning from sleeping and get a sick feeling in my chest of loss and aloneness. It's hard to explain its a terrible feeling . But I'm affraid I still lover her unbelivable as that is.I thought we were going to grow old together.
I read agood book called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing bye Susan Anderson it helped . Oh its been 4 years now since she finaly left me.
Thanks