i am not usually at a loss for words. but i am struggling a bit with this question i wish to ask.

i realized the other day that i spend a great deal of time dealing with what the entities, or voices, want of me. they have their own lives and stories and i feel like i am holding their universe in my hands. sometimes i think that if i could just shake myself hard enough they would all fall out of me.

they have lived around me, and perhaps inside of me, for so long i don't think i can remember what it's like to not have them here. i'm 37 and they have been around since i was 12.

i worry it is another disorder. like dissociative identity disorder. and that my doctor has it all wrong.

what i wish somebody would tell me is if this is a normal experience for people with schizoaffective disorder or not.

i know many of their names and their thoughts and i worry it is really people who live close to me or who once did and i am spying on them. and it goes the other way, too. often i'm the one being listened to.

ha. am i a normal person with schizoaffective disorder? oh boy.

thanks for reading