Do not beat yourself up over it. Its hard very hard and I have my down moments too. My partner told me something that sticks w me and helps me to remember to be loving. She said bipolar is like a monster that is killing her from the inside out---she said she can feel an episode coming but no matter what she cant stop it and it is destroying her on the inside. I try to put myself in her shoes and I think what if it was me going thru this would I want everyone to turn their backs on me. All of her friends have and even her family has. I would want someone that loved me enough to stay thru the hard times. It could be a matter of life and death for her. Remembering that helps me to stay centered during the hard times---gives me prurpose to stand beside her even when shes miles away w her newest girl.
My friends have all walked out on me too cuz they dont understand so I am very much alone when she leaves. But I let the good memories and my love guide me. Hope this helps. Any advice from you for me would be great.