HI Rani,
What IS clear is that you love your wife, and that you care about her. And I'm sure she feels and knows this too.

But even professionally trained therapists don't see their own family/loved ones. There are many reasons for this including, but far from limited to, the inability to be removed from the loved one's situation (regardless of how well you believe yourself to be able to do this, the fact is you ARE emtionally connected and therefore UNABLE to be wholly impartial/unbiased), they are less likely to tell you their deepest troubles (this is not a reflection of trust or anything like that in your relationship, it can simply be because they have to face you every day), and just maybe they are having trouble with you in some way that they cannot articulate and they recognise as being 'their' stuff and truly z'not about you'. Even professionally trained therapists see professionally trained therapists to make sure they are getting their stuff seen to.

Rani, I get that you're triggered by your wife's desire to see a T, but there sounds like a bit of martydom in your post on your behalf. We cannot be all things to all people is a saying that comes to mind. Be her partner, not her carer or rescuer. Perhaps you are feeling that this is your purpose in your relationship and with that purpose gone, there is no relationship? or Perhaps you have invested so much of your own time and energy into helping her in the past that her need to see a T now may mean to you that all that effort was wasted? or Perhaps you are resentful because she knows herself in a way that you don't know her when you believe that you know everything about her? Even if it is none of these possibilities, you may perhaps have an unhealthy view of your wife's desire to seek help for herself??

Have you re-read your post? Are you able to read it as if someone else wrote it? What would you say to that person? Would you maybe be suggesting they too see a therapist to get to the bottom of so much unclarified/confused feeling?

How lucky your wife is that she has you, and that you so obviously do care for and love her. This is a big thing for you, and I hope you are both able to talk together about it with the love and respect that you bought you both together in the first place.

Best of luck to you both,
kp