I'll probably end up replying to this thread piece by piece. Anyway, here's piece 1.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jexa
I was able to get the work done I was supposed to get done. Well, not as much as I planned, but I am ok with what I accomplished. I had a weird moment today where I was feeling up-in-space, totally lost, not able to get things done.. and then there was a strange moment where the dishes pulled me in like a "hook" and all of a sudden I was in the "mode" where I got the whole house clean. Then I could write (which was the work I was supposed to get done).
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That reminds me quite a bit of an experience I've often had. I think I last posted about it
here.
Quote:
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One thing I have learned through experience mainly is that feeding the black hole is counterproductive. Following the obsession, doing what it says, acting in desperation, acting out, following the person on Facebook, finding out where they live, calling them unnecessarily, all of that. If I DO any of those things, I am feeding a monster.. which will grow, and grow, and grow, forever, and I'll have less and less control over it. I have learned to NEVER feed the monster. Sometimes, the urge is too great.. but self-control is paramount. Build that muscle, it will save you from losing yourself.
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I think it was Eric Hoffer who said, "You can never get enough of what you don't really want." What you call feeding the monster, I'd be inclined to call misdirection: searching harder and harder for whatever it is I really want, by moving farther and farther from where it's actually to be found. A dumb example might be if I admired someone from a distance and wished I could feel closer to them... so I set about learning as many facts as I could about them such as where they were born, what they studied in school, who their friends were, and what they ate for breakfast this morning. I could never know enough facts to feel any closer to them but I might very well think at some point, "Lunch, that's the key! Knowing what they had for breakfast didn't help much but if I can only find out what they had for lunch... that'll be
real progress!" Obviously (or pretty obviously), the more useless information I learn about someone the more it's going to get in the way of feeling closer to them or even feeling I ever
could feel closer to them. The more preoccupied I get with collecting useless information, the less prepared I am to connect with someone else even if they were to decide they wanted to connect with me.
Meanwhile, if the other person should happen to find out I've been asking their friends what they eat for breakfast, my chances of ever getting close to them are likely to go way down!
The way out, as I see it, does eventually include "not feeding the monster" but I think that's a terrible place to start. It feels like, "I so want to feed the monster but I mustn't feed the monster...
I so want to feed the monster but I mustn't feed the monster."
I tie up all my energy in the struggle against feeding the monster and have none left for anything else.
What I recommend instead is: forget the monster. When you feel like feeding it, just sit with the feeling, let it in, and let it tell you what it really wants.
Have I made a start?