Quote:
Originally Posted by J-Brent
The thing is, even if I try to remember the event, I can only recall a summary and not the specific details. Yet its effects and most importantly affects lasted a full five years on, evolving into a spiral. I can't think of anything previous that caused it. I haven't been back nor spoke to any of the six people originally in that room, some of whom I can't even remember there names.
It feels like I've been lucky enough to bury the whole 'event' and while 'it' maybe the domino, it's affects are certainly more pressing.
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first question is regarding your use of effect and affect.
here effect is when something happens that is caused by something... example a coat smelling like cigarette smoke after its been in a room with someone smoking. the affect is the coat smelling and the cause of that effect is being left in a room while someone was smoking a cigarette.
Here affect means having false feelings for something. example someone pretending to be sad when they actually feel happy.
So are you saying some sort of trauma happened. after the trauma happened you felt nothing but for 5 years you pretended to feel something about it. then that pretending to feel something for it spiraled out of control. now though you may have buried the memory, your pretending to feel something about is is causing you distress?
if Im reading you correctly the solution is easy but actually doing it is hard. if pretending to feel something (affect) is bothering, stop pretending. it will take alot of work by stopping yourself from pretending to feel things you dont feel about the trauma but every time you acknowledge your lack of affect (lack of feelings) the easier it will get. focus on things you can feel.. that will stimulate your body and senses to begin to feel things again on its own when its the right time.
I know a lot of survivors who go through lack of affect and dont want to appear to be strange so they pretend everything is ok. but like you they discover pretending to be ok eventually does go out of control. the key for them was entering therapy and working on what ever happened. that doesnt mean going in great detain all the time. it just means going over what you do remember and forgiving yourself for how ever you reacted at the time and for what ever happened because its not the victims fault.
