I have had more than 40 sessions and I get anxious with every one. It has not let up one bit going as much as I have. I don't want to be like this. I have tried to work through it, but no matter what I do, when I head for my session the anxiety starts soaring.

I just want to go into her office and act normal. Not be all twisted in knots. I don't want to shut down when I step foot in her office. Here lately I have to force myself to push past that. Sometimes I can snap out of it within 5 minutes and be able to talk. Sometimes it may take up to 30 minutes, and other times, I am never able to push past the anxiety!

I just don't get it at all. There is no reason for this to happen this week. I am not upset about anything. I have had a good week. I wonder if this means there is some underlying issue that I afraid to talk about? I still cry when I think about my spouse. My life with him. How hard it is. Could it be that I don't want to talk about that again? I want to ignore my life, but she won't let me.

We seem to talk about that at every session. She says that we need to because this is in the here and now. She says that I need to continue to work on coping skills and learn to manage my frustration and stress in dealing with this situation.

I don't want to talk about it. Maybe that is why the anxiety is coming up again? Even if I tell her I had a good week and things went well with my spouse, I don't think she believes me. That is probably because I am good at suppressing my emotions?