Thanks OpenEyes.....I think!

No, I got ya. That little boy had no coping strategies. He wasn't SUPPOSED to have any, and nobody taught him any. He only knew that when somebody got mad, he was hurt - physically or emotionally. There was no opportunity to learn that Mommy and Daddy might get upset at something he did, but that didn't have to mean he would be thrown across the room. They could just be upset with him without the physical threat.

And he never got to "cope" with being in a loving environment. To see affection between his Mom & Dad. To hear them say "I love you" to each other - and have it said to him. He only knew that "home" meant the threat of violence, even when it wasn't there, the threat was always present. So "home" became a NOT safe place.

And when he went out into the world he found that it wasn't safe there either. Through experiences, both those not of his making - or his fault - and as he got older, in the lifestyle he led.

And through it all he absolutely learned to keep it all a secret. To NOT let anybody know. Of the danger and the damage done. For fear if he let somebody close they'd hurt him too. And because he was ashamed of himself for being so broken.

But the "grown-up" is looking back on those years thru the eyes of a man. He's showing his T the hurt and the damage done as it effects his life today. And she's giving him strategies to cope with his life today. To learn how to accept kindness & to be kind in return. And she's assurring him IT WASN'T HIS FAULT. And that all he's ever wanted to be was loved - and to love in return.

And he's getting better....