Your response to all this is right on - good instincts. I keep hearing you say that your priorities for yourself are different from what your therapist is implying they should be. And that is a red flag, because he should be listening to you.
Also seconding your great insight here that there's something wrong with his emphasis on conformity. Your T should not be trying to normalize you, mold you in any way or get you to conform. Like Erich Fromm said, a person who fits in to a crazy society would also be crazy. The things that set you apart (and again, whose point of view is that anyway) should be explored, treated as precious, venerated. If aspects of your world view are giving you pain, then your T has a responsibility to help tease out what the issues are. But his suggestion was so tone-deaf and sexist that it just blows my mind.
I would give him a chance to correct this by enlightening him about what your priorities really are. And if he still doesn't get it - TO THE CURB!!!
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Originally Posted by learning1
I thought I would add that my t did say he was not talking about looking like in the magazines (conforming). But as I've thought about it, it seems to me like having confidence in your physical appearance inherently requires conforming. I mean, if having confidence means having an expectation that people you meet will generally see you as attractive, you'd have to more or less conform to general expectations. Does that make sense?
So I am thinking that having confidence in my physical appearance is not really an important priority for me. Not that I mind finding some new makeup that looks good on me, or having a good hair day, or whatever, but it's not something I want to focus my energy on. I have way too much else going on that's more important.
But being more physically fit is an exception, since that's also a health issue. I am relatively fit, but I'd like to be healthier.
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