Me again.

I am SO SICK of myself and my feelings. I am really struggling to not use a bad coping skill. I called T and left a message (didn't ask for a call back, just venting), I called my 12 step sponsor and talked to her, I e-mailed T and asked for a reply, and I suck and I hate it.

My feelings are just BIG. I've tried praying, I've tried writing, I've gotten out of the house, I've spent time with my kids, I'm taking one son to martial arts in a little bit and another son is having a friend spend the night tonight.

I'm not sure what threw me into this place. I had to deal with my mom a LOT yesterday. I had a stressful conversation with my H last night about the fact that I have "secrets" (my history) from him. It's a long time (for me) until I see T. I feel overwhelmed by my feelings. Nothing is working and I just have to feel how I feel and it feels kind of unbearable.

I. just. want. it. to. stop.