I've been in a mixed mood for about a month. I find these mixed episodes completely unbearable. the last 4 years all I get is mixed or depressed. depressed with manic features, manic with depressed feature. Never know who's really running the show. And then just your all and out pure depression.

I take lithium for maintenance, It doesn't seem to work very well. I still cycle every month or so. So when I get a mixed mood I add an anti-psychotic very reluctantly.

So get into mixed mood add seroquel about 3 weeks ago. But the last few days the hallucinations are increasing, my mood has also risen a ton. I'm soo happy and seriously do not want to take my seroquel to sleep, I want to stay up and get stuff done. And quit honestly after 4 years of hellish episodes I would love love love to just take off with this and feel great. I am new Anika.

I miss feeling great, and smart, and fast, productive, funny. I miss it so much. I feel like I just want to blast off.

My anorexic behaviors seem more substantial right now as well. I know that is not good.

If I added seroquel then why am I getting higher?? I don't know but my pdoc is not helpful, my gp wasn't very helpful. So what do ya' do? keep dosing myself, stop the seroquel? Plus you know I feel like I really don't want people asking if I took my meds (irl). I have an app with the dietitian at the hospital tomorrow. And then gotta answer to her too, if I ate my breakfast. I think I'm just sick of answering to everyone when I'm a full grown women.

that might be a bit jumbled , but thanks for listening , no one to talk to here. And I am seriously thinking I don't want to take my meds.