Quote:
Originally Posted by learning1
I thought I would add that my t did say he was not talking about looking like in the magazines (conforming). But as I've thought about it, it seems to me like having confidence in your physical appearance inherently requires conforming. I mean, if having confidence means having an expectation that people you meet will generally see you as attractive, you'd have to more or less conform to general expectations. Does that make sense?
So I am thinking that having confidence in my physical appearance is not really an important priority for me. Not that I mind finding some new makeup that looks good on me, or having a good hair day, or whatever, but it's not something I want to focus my energy on. I have way too much else going on that's more important.
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I think there's a lot of subtle things going on here that you might want to continue discussing with your T; I don't think "confidence in your physical appearance" is related to conforming or what others think (or even wearing makeup, etc.) at all!
Ones physical appearance is part of one's self (or should be) so insofar as you are confident in being accepted by others for yourself (not wondering if people "mind" having you around or if you are a bother, etc.) that feeling should extend to your physical appearance. Often I think our physical appearance shows how we are feeling inside. Hence, a depressed person may not wash their hair or bathe often enough, an anxious person will get up an hour early each morning to put their makeup on before their husband sees them
etcetera.
It sounds to me like your T is trying to work "backwards" from the "obvious" (how you look) to your inside, how you feel. If there's a disconnect in how you perceive your physical self, there might well be a disconnect in how you perceive other parts of yourself? It's kind of like the scientific truth that smiling can make you feel happier.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...ke-you-happier
http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedai...better_w_1.php
It sounds to me like your T was just trying to understand how you think about yourself (legitimate desire on his part) and not necessarily trying to get you to be like a model/other women without knowing how much effort that takes, etc. There are a couple of TV shows about models, "America's Next Top Model" (I have watched a few of those) and "Make Me a Supermodel" (I haven't seen but it's a contest too, where wannabes compete to become) and I enjoy watching them because I am not very aware of my body, it's placement in space and how I carry myself and these people (Make Me a Supermodel has both male and females competing) have to be very aware of themselves. It's almost a form of body work, like yoga, tai chi, or some kinds of somatic therapy work:
https://www.massagecredits.com/pages...ting.php?SB=17
How you "look" is not the same as how you express your physical self. Whether you wear makeup or not or cut your hair, etc. is not the issue, it's more about how you inhabit your body. If you like/don't like it/yourself that will "show", no matter what you do; it's part of your expression of yourself like your tones of voice and whether your eyes "light up" when someone special enters the room. I don't think your T is trying to criticize you as much as understand what he perceives and he wants to know what you know about how you may come across to others. There's nothing good/bad about it, it just "is". I would love to be a warm, happy person :-) and I imagine warm, happy people smile a lot, are relaxed, quiet,
graceful, etc.
What sort of person do you want to be and is that what you appear to be "broadcasting" with your body?