i think you have what they call an "irrational thought/belief" about yourself. like, "i'm (you in this case) not a worthwhile person unless i can solve other ppl's problems." your wife may need an objective professional viewpoint to sort out things. i think it's a healthy approach to have a non-partisan's opinion. perhaps that's another reason she seeks her friends' opinions too. you're not "less than" if she feels this helps her.

another thought- codependancy comes to mind:
“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself." The other partner - who is the codependent one - then works all-out to try to “fix” the problem.

Still, the codependent partner often finds some type of reward in this setup. “Probably the most significant theme is a sense of control. The other person plays the out-of-control person, and so they get to be the person who is in control and thus is respected,” Bochner tells WebMD.
“They can be the better person, the smarter person, the person who’s recognized as having it all together. They’re defining themselves as strong enough to deal with it, when actually they need to realize that maybe they should be taking care of themselves instead of proving their strength,” he says.
hope this helps. i'm not a psychologist, just another person with the same behaviors/tendancies. learned a lot in therapy to help myself overcome this for the most part.