I saw T today, and I was very disconnected from my feelings. I talked to him about what happened at the party I went to over the weekend (see post that was moved to the abuse forum)....and that I don't feel safe venturing out in the world right now.

T said that I'm just starting to assert myself in normal situations and that I haven't gotten to the point where I am able to assert myself in dangerous situations.

He said that he was concerned about how much blame I am putting on myself about what happened. I told him I was angry for being weak....and he tried to get me to understand that I wasn't being weak - that it was a trauma response that happens to people with PTSD - and that it has nothing to do with strength. I don't know. It just feels...yuck.

As the session went on, my migraine was intensifying....so we ended the session a few minutes early so I could drive home. He said to give myself permission to let the feelings out when I feel safe enough. I don't know. Everything's just so swirly right now....