((((((((((tree))))))))))))) I am so sorry for how hard things are for you right now.....I understand how hard it is to deal with BIG feelings. I am too. The best I can do is just keep breathing, deep breaths, remind myself that I am here, now, that there is grace! Yesterday I told T I felt like I was at a crossroads with one option to just quit struggling so hard to find grace in this pain I am in or to keep struggling to find the grace. She said, has it occurred to you that there is a 3rd option? Quit struggling and ACCEPT the grace.....nope, it hadn't. I thought there had to be a struggle because for me there always is....so to think of just giving up resistance and accepting the grace was a fairly new thing for me. I think it is helping me feel better slowly and just accept what is now, even accept the big feelings that are a part of the now for me, and take hold of the grace that there is now to deal with them....