</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
iamanne said:
zh,
it sounds like you have a great therapist who knows what you need when you need it.
I struggle each day, also, to keep working, come home and manage a family. I'm new to my dx and compartmentalizing is a problem when it used to be great. I've been told that my old behaviors aren't needed anymore but it's this "transition period" that is confusing, overwhelming, and makes me feel vulnerable. Tough stuff. I'm just learning how to handle all of this. What has kept me going through the chaos is making simple lists for myself. I try not to be too ambitious in what I need to accomplish because I find it is not realistic and that sets myself up for failure. Prioritize the tasks and it's tell yourself that it's okay if you don't finish the list, it was just a guide to help keep you focused. As I learn more, I will be happy to share. Your questions are great because I can learn from the responses too. You're helping me, eventhough you don't know it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

we'll never understand how ppl do this with a family. but that is the magic of dissociation....we separate out this stuff until the barriers between begin melting and the memories cannot be ignored any longer.

as for us we won't procreate as our view is that when not able to care for ourselves how could we be so selfish to insist upon bringing another human to this planet so we can experience parenting?! that is how we feel after years of near hospitalizations, suicide attempts and near constant suicidal ideation. if we're not capable of stabilizing our own lives then we're not going to subject a child to our instability.

however when disease/disorder presents later in life after the marriage and kids have been born then the adults need to work out a plan that keeps the kids safe as safety is priority number one. for some folks we know with DID this has meant giving up their drivers license since their spaciness and switching left them unable to operate a vehicle safely. sure it is a hassle when one parent loses their taxi status but that is but one component of healing..........learning how to take care of oursleves so that we can be present for others like a husband or children.

lists often are the only way we know what day we're on or if we're near accomplishing a task. we're also a huge proponent of 3M post-it notes.....the super sticky ones especially! bright colours that cannot be ignored either!! not nearly as many missed appts. once we started using post-its in different sizes around the house: on the bathroom mirror, on the computer monitor, the cupboard where the morning mug is, on the fridge, the breadbox, near the tv remote, by the front and back doors................get the idea that our lives require some adjusting from before we had awareness of our dx? but in doing so we lessened the hatred and self loathing that was so pervasive with our system. currently most of these notes are down since strangers have been traipsing through our home for the open houses twice weekly. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh! we're a bit lost w/o our post-it reminders. we'll be in new digs soon enough so this is only temporary.....we keep telling ourselves

somewhere there is another thread in which we were mentioning not resenting the self. we weren't able to articulate exactly what we mean but it was a huge shift in understanding for us and has allowed us to better accept ourselves.......not just *me* but the totality of all of us that comprise *me*.

it has taken years of trial and error to find the tricks that help us stay on course with healing. there isn't any one way to heal. and no one posting in this forum is an expert other than in their own experience. our experience with dissociation has been more than having an inner child that was neglected. our experience with dissociation has been one of much challenge with our family and personal relationships. our experience with dissociation is that there are many different opinions within the professional field and that what works for you might not work for someone else.

we've found some help here over time but we still have found private membership sites to be more useful for our needs as their rules are more suited to DID and not the broad spectrum of dissociative disorders which seems to be a catch all some places. we're triggered by certain things and appreciate that other boards have separate forums for their DID communities so one can choose what to read and where to post w/o having to sift through the triggers.

learning what works for you and yours and what doesn't will help your path become easier over time. do not be afriad to express an opinion that may not be shared by many. the important thing is to allow expression for your system and to let them know they're being heard and they count. safe expression is something you and your therapist can work on so that no one is being hurt by things said or ways of expressing.