I posted in another one of my threads about an internet relationship I was considering. I met him on Saturday and although there was not sexual touching - I felt him look me up and down, he wanted me to kiss him on the lips - why didn't I say NO! He "accidently" put his hand on my knee when we sat down.

He insisted on holding my hand throughout the date - and now I cannot bear the feel of my hands touching each other - that feel of a hand on hand - I went to yoga last night and we were doing a pose where you hold your hands in prayer position - I just couldn't do this - I couldn't bear even the feel of my own hands against each other.

I couldn't get the smell of aftershave out of my head and I was given some useful tips to stop this (thanks to Jadedmoonbeam) - smelling another strong scent like vick. Wonder if anyone has any tips about the hand thing?

I had a very hard time Sunday night - was scared to go to sleep, but also scared of being awake as the dark thoughts had returned - I have had a T session this evening - that I really struggled in - now I am in my safe detached place, where I can switch off my brain - the one place that I felt safe in when things are hard is the place where we met - now I don't feel that I can go there again.

I am also really struggling to understand this huge reaction I have had - I feel like I have taken severl steps backwards.