I had to get a minor procedure done this morning. Nothing serious, very routine but I have had it done before and I knew it would be painful. This time there was a second part to it which was new for me and I was quite anxious about what it would be like (and of course, what could - and according to my mind would - go wrong). It has been booked for about 3 weeks and I have been getting increasingly more anxious about it over the past few days.

The last two, in particular, have been bad. I have been picking fights with my husband to relieve tension (BAD...I know) and using lorazepam again. I haven't needed lorazepam in quite some time. I have been using it multiple times/day over the past few days just to get through. In any case, here we are this morning and of course, I pop my little pill with breakfast so that I can actually make it to the appointment.

Everything went fine, hurt a bit more than expected, but I am woman, hear me roar. I will survive. So I got dressed and started to leave. I must have looked bad at reception because the doctor looked at me and said, "If you're dizzy, you can sit down for a minute." But of course, all I wanted was to get out of there. So I took off. But the attack was well underway. I started to sweat like a MONSTER! My clothes were wet almost instantaneously. My hair started sticking to me. So I sat down outside in the shade to try and get control and breathe (and smoke...sorry, vice). Then I thought I'd go home. Got in my car and made it as far as the parking attendant before the nausea kicked in (still sweating like a ****). I looked at her and said sorry...gotta go back in. I barely had time to back up my car before I got sick all over the parking lot. In front of everyone. *sigh*

The rest of the details are unimportant. Suffice it to say, this went on for about 30 minutes, alternating between sweating, being sick, and being completely unable to think clear or try and figure out how to breathe, calm down or ask ANYONE for help (including my doctor, who was four floors up in the building).

This hasn't happened to me in well over a year. I forgot. There's a lesson here - don't ever forget the skills you learn when dealing with anxiety. You just never know when your little friend will creep back into your life.

But what really kills me is why did it happen AFTER everything was over? Really? Come on now...