Too many things on top of each other, I think. I'm shaken and stirred - partly by things that came up at the psychology assessment, partly by other stuff. I don't understand all of the things I am feeling. There are so many thoughts going on that it is hard to challenge all of them at once - anyone else had that? Memories of past hurts - things I should have put behind me long ago but can't. The realisations of my skewed thinkings. One of the things that was hardest today was constantly having to try to explain my actions - and the answer so often came back as "Because I am not good enough". And that's the thing - I know I am caught in the "not good enough" cycle and I can't seem to get out of it. Every now and again I come across a situation which reinforces that, and it undoes any good work and steps forward I have previously achieved. Like the session today with the social worker - I now feel that I am not doing enough to recover, even though many people have said I am trying as hard as I can. I feel like wearing a sign that says, "There's no point in trying to make me feel bad - I can do it well enough by myself."

That was this evening's dose of self pity. Sorry. I just feel really really low tonight.