I had a real heart to heart talk with my psychiatrist today. I told her I wanted to ask two questions.

1. How would she feel, what would she do, if she KNEW she had a specific mental or physical problem but no healthcare professional would ever really listen or take her seriously? After 10 years of being prescribed antidepressants when she KNEW she needed something for ADD, how would she feel? Would she truly be depressed or just frustrated beyond words?

2. What effect would antidepressants have on a person who was beyond frustrated BUT NOT DEPRESSED?

She seemed to listen and I appreciated having her attention. I think she got my point. She instantly moved into discussing the two forms of ADHD. After all the appointments I've tried to talk about ADD and been re-routed to depression, we were finally talking about my inattentiveness, my total lack of organizational skills, my inability to focus, etc. The joy I felt was overwhelming - I felt like I finally had someone's attention!

The doctor prescribed the smallest dose of Vyvance which I'll start tomorrow morning. I don't have a clue what to expect but the literature scares me a little bit - I have slight hyperthyroidism which (according to my cardiologist) causes mild blood pressure and heart rate problems. The psychiatrist is aware of this so I hope/assume she thinks it is safe. My thyroid nodules are growing in number and size and surgery is probably in my future but I'm O.K. with medication for the time being.

I'm used to taking my blood pressure a couple of times a day - it'll be interesting to see if a stimulant drug affects me adversely OR calms me. Back when I was on Adderal, my blood pressure, etc., was perfect. I believe (but time may prove me wrong) the frustration I feel from my ADD problems may actually contribute to my blood pressure being elevated.

I don't know if I can fall asleep tonight. I feel like I'm waiting for Santa Claus, I have such anticipation to see if this drug gives me the relief I so desperately want. I have tried for so long to get someone to listen to what I truly believe is wrong and today it happened.