I finally said, "I want to do exposure therapy today. I need to do this." I am not sure she knew what I meant. I got up and removed the pillows from the couch/love set. I told her where to sit and I got out my pictures to show her. I said, "The last time I let you sit this close was right before that ridiculous rupture we had. I only made it about 3 minutes that time. I am going to try to be present with this longer than that today. We are going to look at these pictures to keep me distracted."

Yes, I was quite demanding and direct. I had to be. If I did not take over, I knew that our session would be a disaster with me not talking at all.

We had a pleasant experience sitting together and talking about my pictures. They were of my classroom at school, my grandchildren, my pets, and my home. Every minute I would say, "I am okay. I am doing this." I think I sat there about 8 minutes! That is a miracle! Once we were through looking and talking about the pictures, I said, "Okay, you can get up now."

She got up and sat in her chair. I said, "I did good, didn't I?" Then I asked her why she thought I struggled so much with that. Her response was, "I am not sure if it is more the physical aspect or more emotional. You fear people getting close to you. You have shared alot with me and I wonder if you fear the closeness that we have? You fear our relationship. You are allowing me 'in', and that scares you."

Oh my Lord! Did she say "closeness" and "relationship"? Those are two words that do scare me to death when it comes to my therapist. I think she was waiting for me to say something, but I was not about to admit that I do feel close to her and I feel that our relationship is forming a bond between us. NO WAY!!

Even with that little scare, I was quite proud of what I accomplished today.