Not sure the rest of this will be that interesting, but here goes. After we completed the "I can sit by my therapist and not have a panic attack" test, we started talking about my homework assignment. The one I posted in here a few days ago.

She always reassures me that she is not mad, upset, frustrated, annoyed, or fixing to terminate me when I send her my homework. She wants me to work on NOT saying that in every email I send. She wants me to trust her that she is honest with what she says to me. I guess that is a reasonable request?

As I predicted, she wanted to ask me about how I was coming along with the forgiveness assignment. This is when I started to roll my eyes and look out the window. She said, "What are you avoiding? What do you think will happen if you forgive yourself?"

I am like, same ole thing that I am sick to death of working on. I guess I do not know how to forgive myself. She says that I can do it, if I really want to get past some of the issues I have. Does this mean that I don't want to forgive myself? Have any of you had to deal with this? If so, how in the heck did you do it?

We also addressed the issue I have about being in therapy too long. I told her that I have been in therapy for 15 months now! I asked her if she was bored with me talking about the same stuff. I told her that there are plenty of others out there that need her now. I am taking up her time, when she could be helping someone else.

I know, I have told you guys this same stuff over and over and over. But, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GET PAST THESE THINGS!!

The session went on for an hour and 45 minutes. I normally go about 90 minutes, but she kept on talking. That was okay. I think she felt that while she had me talking, she may as well take advantage of it.

We talked a lot. I made eye contact and I stayed present. That is downright incredible! We even had a few moments when we laughed! I even got so tickled about something that I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe! Now that has never happened. Maybe I am relaxing more?

We had a conversation about this message board. I told her that I post a good bit in here and that sometimes I post things she has sent to me. She didn't seem bothered by that at all.

I mentioned that many in here have commented that she and I have a good relationship. She said, "We do." This just about knocked me to the ground. I said, "You say that to every client."

Her reply was, "Actually, I don't. You come in to therapy to work. You do your assignments. That helps to build the relationship."

By now I have just about peed in my pants! She actually likes my work? She thinks we have a good relationship? Why would I be shocked to hear that? She has been telling me that for months in emails. It was just different to 'hear' her say it to my face.

I know this doesn't sound all that great and amazing, but it was to me. Being able to talk without feeling so anxious and out of touch, gave me an optimistic outlook on therapy.

We talked about boundaries. She basically has the same boundaries as most therapists. She did mention that she was okay with a 'side hug' every now and then. I told her that I thought about coming into a session all bubbly and excited, and walk up to her and give her a big hug, just to see how she would react. She is always seated in her chair, so I would do this from behind.

She looked at me like, "I know you are joking. You wouldn't do that. You would be scared to death to do something like that." I told her that I really did think about doing that one day. She did not really say I couldn't do it, so who knows? I may try that sometime.

She reassured me that she was fine with email and that she hoped to hear from me this week. She said that she felt that was really working well for us. I guess you can say that she is comfortable doing some therapy via email.

She did remind me that she had a really busy schedule this summer and not to be upset if it took her a bit longer to get a response back to me. She said that when she sends me a reply, she has to sit down and read my email, process it, and think about how to respond in a way that will help me and make sense. I thought that last part was funny!

That's about all I can think of. It was a very pleasant experience. Therapy can be wonderful. I just need to try to work on not allowing my emotions to control me (over power me) and cause me to shut down in therapy. See what I would be missing? All this great conversation with my therapist!