Welcome! I'm glad you could post.

Loss is tough ... I have strong feelings and am very sensitive about abandonment ... my parents were divorced when I was 12 ... had very little contact with my dad from that time until he died. My emotions over that seem flat, but I suspect I'm struggling with a bunch of mixed up emotions.

Knowing what I know now...I would suggest that you seek help from a therapist...I waited 22 years before I asked for the help...