Awwwwww SoupDragon
I'd send you a hug but non touching kind.
Just positive vibes and good thoughts.
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now I cannot bear the feel of my hands touching each other - that feel
f a hand on hand - I went to yoga last night and we were doing a pose where you hold your hands in prayer position - I just couldn't do this - I couldn't bear even the feel of my own hands against each other
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I don't know where you live, but where I am it's quite warm. i'm thinking about, just a suggestion, getting in the ocean or a lake or some large body of water to just float around in for a bit. sometimes water is a nice place to go (if you can swim, that is) to feel kind of cleansed and peaceful. Just a thought.
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I felt so uncomfortable from the moment I met up with him and can't understand why I didn't just go home immediately or at least after a quick coffee - I feel I let myself down, let myself stay in a situation that I didn't want to be in.
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Please stop beating yourself up. You had a phone relationship with this guy and you felt like you could trust him. Plus it was your first time dating after being in a very long term relationship. You didn't do anything wrong.
I think the good things are that
You recognized that he was bad and didn't let things go too far.
You recognize you are having a strong reaction and are asking for advice, whether it's from us or T...it's still good.
You are open to looking at your past differently.
This is all great stuff and you should celebrate these things rather than knocking down everything you think you're doing wrong. We're only human.