Hello. I can't believe how much time I have let slip by without posting. It has been quite the month. The biggest news is that I took a job at the show garden that I had initially turned down. It was a shock at first to be out in the world 5 days a week. Almost quit after the first two weeks. I saw the pattern so I talked myself into a compromise. I pulled back to 3 days a week. Turned out to be good timing because they were considering me for a supervisory role. There was a battle in my heart but I knew I needed to be cautious. I knew I needed to stick with a small job until I was certain I could maintain stability. I love the job.

I love meeting people from all over the world, sharing my travels to their country (where applicable lol), talking about plants and gardens and recommending other places to visit in and around my home territory.

Between the job, my garden and rearranging rooms in my house (relocating my design studio space) I have been going steady every day. The garden is late this year because of the unseasonal cold spring we have had. Very few sunny days. Many many rainy days.

I questioned how well I would be able to manage this new pace. I still do but less and less as each week goes by better then the one before. I feel a lot like my old self. I stay in the day and shake it off when I feel anxiety grip with worries about tomorrow. That old fear of waking up depressed and unable to get out of bed. I can turn that fast and is always waiting in the back of my head to pull me down with worry.

Meditation has been the key factor in providing me with the strength and understanding to bring myself back to level day by day. I don't do anything formal. It just isn't my thing I guess. My meditations are more focused on moments in the day when I feel overwhelmed, racy or just off balance.

I take moments to sit in the garden and just breath in the beauty. It refreshs and regenates me to continue on with the day. If I can't take the time to sit in the garden I go out into the plant section of the gift store to water and deadhead the plants. I am attentive to how I feel and pamper myself with permission to take care of me. It is working.

I am actually getting my sleeping time regulated to thanks to meditation. That is a big reason for my absense on the boards. I am in bed everynight before midnight. When I get into bed I meditate laying down. I stay in a meditative state until my mind has settled and I am no longer replaying my day, thinking about the next day or stressing about the things at home that were not getting done. Meditation helps put me back in the moment. Helps me get to sleep. If I don't do it I toss and turn until I put myself on my back and meditate.

Focused breathing is getting me through difficult times through the day. It has been a life saver for me to trust it can help. You know how when it crosses that line you don't believe anything can turn it around. I believe now so it is actually automatic for me to turn on the anxiety busting skills I have learned from this thread.

Thank you thank you thank you to every one who has come to share this thread with me. I hope I can help to add some energy back into the thread again. I pray all is well with Lavie. I apologize to Sun for disappearing without an explanation. It is a blessing to see others sharing and that has moved me to take a few moments to get back on the boards.

Okay... I guess I have rambled enough about my life the last few week. It is all good. One day at a time. I am so so grateful for my garden. It is my favourite place in the world even in the rain.

Be well and be present in every moment without wondering or worrying about what is coming next. Meditation has taught me how to do that and shown me where to go when it feels like I can't get there. Only faith in the process have I been able to overcome my fears about failing.... again. Able to stay out of the future in my head.

Opps.... rambling again. Have a wonderful day moment by moment.