I was stressed at the time. It wasn't caused by any one thing in particular, but more like a reaction underneath to current happenings with my kids/ex-husband due to poorly adjusting to some things a few years ago. Back then, I had a PTSD reaction to my ex-husband because of things he did to me. My child's psychologist made a quick judgement call and told my ex to keep the kids with him because of my little crisis. Doesn't make sense, I know, but T's logic in that was he questioned my daughter for the standard reasons to see if anything came out that her dad might have abused her too, but nothing came out. He wanted to be sure that I was okay and not disociating or something, so he instructed my ex to not let me be alone with the kids. I never got over that. I had my kids last weekend and some things have been going on. After I dropped them off back at their dad's, and with thinking of some of the other things, I am unsure how to describe my emotional status. It was a different feel for wanting to cut, like I said, from how it was before the Adderall. I have been missing it lately. It worked. I've been anxious (or worried/sad/?) about some things, but I think the thoughts of wanting to cut over the weekend had overridden my emotion as like a way to numb things? I don't know. Hard to describe.

I saw my T last night. He was ok about it when we talked. He got my voice mails the night I did it. I was kind of scared wondering how he would react, but I was happy to go in and be there--and relieved/pleased with his reaction. He's good. Always has been, and very non-judgmental. He won't see this, but {{{{{{{{{{{{Thanks, T}}}}}}}}}}}}}