It's tough when we are better, then feel worse again. You tend to think it's never going to be OK--the distorted thinking comes in. It's the depression talking, of course, making things seem even worse than they are. You have no doubt learned more about yourself and your illness since you were this ill before. It's not at all quite like before--you probably have more skill to deal with this now, even if it doesn't feel like it.

I try to think of my depression like a skinned knee. I had a deep, bloody wound that formed a thick scab. I was healing. Then a new hurt or trigger caused a reopening of the wound. It's bleeding again. But it's partially healed. So when the new scab forms, it's smaller and not as thick. Eventually it will completely heal--but with a scar. There will always be a reminder that I once was injured. I think our depressions are like that--we go through therapy and learn about ourselves and our problems. We deal with future issues a bit better, even though they hurt us as well. Eventually, there is hope that we can find lasting peace from our illness. We may still have it--but we will learn to manage it and get along pretty well in our lives.\

Hope this is true for you. Just take things a bit or a day at a time for now.