Are you in therapy? Probably a chat with your therapist would be in order. If not, you probably would benefit from finding a counselor for yourself.

What have you been doing to try to deal with your illness? Do you keep a journal? A lot of people find that helpful. When you are having an especially bad time, why don't you think about calling a hotline instead of hurting yourself? There are trained people there who can make some suggestions about things you can do. They'll talk to you and listen to you and help make things easier on you. Worth a try!