I feel like such a bad person today. I'm so selfish and sometimes I know I'm manipulating and I can't stop myself. I'm so overwhelmed with feeling like crap about myself and I deserve it.

My boyfriend and I are having problems and today I guilted him into staying home from work because I am upset and don't want to be alone. He held out for quite a while but I broke him down. He swears up and down that it wasn't because I guilted him and that he just realized what I said made sense but I know that's not true.

I don't understand why I think my feelings are more important then his. We're having problems because of something that he did and sometimes I feel like I want him to hurt like I am. I'm not saying that him staying home from work will hurt him, I'm just saying I feel like that sometimes. No matter what I'm feeling that emotion just over comes me and I can't feel anything else. I don't want to be like this anymore but I don't know how to change. If I can be rational in my head and know what I'm doing is wrong but I can't stop myself how am I ever going to change?

I just needed someone to know how I'm feeling and get it out there.