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Originally Posted by salukigirl
Sounds like you have already made up your mind. In my mind, I know if my bf tested positive for meth and he told me he didn't do it - I would believe him. What are the reasons you don't necessarily buy what he's telling you?
Can I ask how old you are? The thing is, is that men make fun of women for blowing their paycheck, but studies show men are actually the one's who are typically not good with money. Women tend to pay more attention to bills, how much is in their bank account, savings etc.... If you both are really young, he might just still be a little immature on the money side. However, the money here isn't really the issues. It's the fact that he lies to you about it.
Not to sound mean but he kind of sounds like a bum. First off - your pros should NEVER be that he doesn't abuse you. That is not a pro - that is a normal human being. I understand why you feel that way bc that's how I justified my last relationship. Having been in a physically abusive relationship, I thought - well he doesn't hit me so he must be awesome. Now I understand that that's not a pro - it's how people SHOULD be. Same goes for not pushing you to have sex. That is just a standard respect issue.
From looking at your "pros" list I don't see too many of the things you say you need from a mate. And personally, I don't see looking at money as so shallow like some people say it is. For most people (IMO) if you don't have a job, or a good paying job.....it stems from just not having the motivation to do something about it. Granted, in this economy you have to take what you can get....but is he even trying?
There is a book I think is really good for situations like this. It's called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum. It's hard to do the pros and cons bc certain aspects may be more important to you than others. And this book takes through 27 (I think) "diagnostic traits" for you to test out and see if your relationship meets those standards.
Also, you say that you enjoy each other's company "from time to time". Does that mean that most of the time you just tolerate him? I really hope you can work through these emotions. Maybe see your couples therapist alone for a session so you can openly say all of these things without worrying about his response?
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I am 29 years old and he'll be turning 26 this year. He is trying to find a better job that will give him more hours. Its just hard for me to overlook the fact that a test from a lab came back positive. I tried to research and convince myself that he did get a false positive but I look at the facts and the test is hard to overlook. Most of his friends does drugs and its usually marijuana and sometimes I wonder if he'll ever get tempted to get involved in that lifestyle again. When I met him he had quit smoking marijuana which was his main drug. He quit because his work require ppl to be drug free and they give out random drug tests consistently. Since then he told me he just doesn't care for drugs anymore. He still hangs out with the same group of ppl but now with the results of the test its just hard for me to know what I should believe. I can understand how you can see him as a bum and at his current state I also view him the same way but I know before that he was a hard working man and always picked up extra shifts. Paying for child support which was almost 50% of his check he worked as much as possible to bring home a decent check to buy food and gas. Wow I never asked myself that question that maybe I am just tolerating him. At this time I feel I am bc he can't financially provide for himself and for us but I have to be understanding to his circumstances right now. Lately Ive been very tired of being that understanding gf. Sometimes I just want to take care of myself and think about my health which I'm in the process of preparing for brain surgery for epilepsy. There is a part of me that believes that I could be staying in the relationship to feel safe because of my epilepsy. Every man I've been with never showed the concern like my bf has for my health. I don't want to be alone during my recovery after the surgery. My family has abandon me and with that fall out with my family, my bf is my main support but at the same time I don't feel that type of special love right now. I'm sorry if I sound selfish and pitiful.