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burtonsb21 · 09:55 PM

Hey everyone,

This is my first time writing about this so bare with me please.I am a 21 year old male.In the past few days i finally admitted to being sexually molested as a little boy between 2nd and 4th grade by my neighbor(male also) who was my best friend at the time on several occassions. He mad me do things that i never want to do ever. Having finally opened up about this, it has caused me to mentally break down. Every moment of every day i am always questioning who i really am as if who i am is not good enough. Through out my life i have always had trouble trusting people and yet to this day i still have trouble doing that. I havent been able to hold a relationship with my previous girlfriends, and it has caused me to doubt myself as a man. In return this feeling causes me to have zero to very low confidence, self-esteem, and so on.

I have dealt with depression throughout many points in my life and i have used alcohol and drugs in order to deal with the pain. I feel as if my world is coming down crashing on top of me and it is too much for me to handle. i dont know what to think of anything anymore and it has even caused me to doubt my sexual orientation which i have never had any doubt about until recently when the pain of the abuse started to come back. Having been abused by a male it causes me to doubt my sexual orientation even though i know i didnt know better at the time, but it is always giving me anxiety attacks.

I have trouble sleeping, eating, and i have nightmares at times. I cry myself to sleep on numerous occassions. My stomach is always hurting as if i have to throw up and my back is constanstly hurting is i havent stretched in weeks. At this point in my life I am completely lost and dont know how to deal with this trauma.

I dont know what im really suppose to write on this, but if anybody has been through something similar like this i would love to hear back from you guys. Any help is much appreciated.

Thank you