Burton
I so sorry all this has happened to you. When I finally admitted to myself my childhood abuse, the memories came flooding back to me as well and I ended up having a breakdown. It is very traumatic when all these memories come back. All the questions. Why didnt anyone protect me?

It's really important that you get support, you list several symptoms of depression in your post. maybe find a therapist to help you work through these memories.

it became too much for me. i tried to stuff it too much after the breakdown, pretend i had it together. started having problems sleeping, the bad guy was after me, grabbing me in my sleep and waking me up, got psychotic and ended up being hospitalized against my will.