I always think I am doing well until the PTSD kicks in, and it is always such a surprise. I often don't realize it until I am driving and I realize that I feel disoriented. I was reminded this past couple of months when my abuser died that the PTSD will probably never go away, but hopefully the effects will lesson.

i thought that I would be glad that he was dead, but I wasn't. I wasn't happy. I wasn't sad. I was just upset. Upset. He died a pretty horrible death from throat cancer, but I don't think I thought he suffered enough. Then again, I don't think he could ever suffer enough to redeem himself from the horrible things he did. I guess I wasn't prepared for him to die yet for some reason.

I was able to finally tell my mother that I can't see her and pretend that everything is ok. I will never understand why she continued to maintain a relationship with her brother after I told her what he did and others verified he had done the same to them, but I no longer feel obligated to maintain a relationship with her. I did everything I could to be a good daughter, and I now realize that no matter what I did it was always about her. I did all I could do and I have no regrets.

Anyone have any thoughts. Am I delusional about not having any regrets about not maintaining a relationship with my mother? I wonder sometimes, but I feel so much better when I have no contact with any of my family. It has been such a relief for me.