Hi there. I understand what you're saying - I went through a period where I would try really hard to "just" hit myself etc. If you can stop the drinking as an alternative coping method that would be good because it can cause more problems or make you end up cutting (at least in my experience).

It's really really hard to explain why. Are you thinking of trying to explain this to someone? Do you have a therapist to talk to, or a friend? Have you talked about it to your prescribing doctor (for your meds?)

sorry you're having so much trouble right now, take care