Hi esndrs82d,
Welcome to the forum, I'm glad you dropped by. You'll meet a lot of nice people here that will be able to give you insight to your problem(s), I see such wonderfull things happen here
Let me tell you my feelings about your situation, online relationships like what you mentioned can be great but can also be of a fantasy nature, I feel that is not the right word but at the present time I can't think of the right word I want to use, maybe infatuation? You see it is natural through written communication that our mind's, yes and even our hearts can create a picture of this "wonderfull person" but not really knowing this person, so this you must be very careful about.
My opinion on your relationship with your husband, gee, if he is opposed to any form of counselling, that is a major problem.
Of what you have told us this relationship does not sound stable enough to last, I personally could not stay in such an arrangement, plus if both of you are suicidal over each others parting, both of you definately should seek therapy as individuals helping yourselves to become stable individuals which in turn will enable you to perhaps establish a stable relationship amongst yourselves. Without any professional help I cannot see anything changing regardless what either one of you are telling each other at the moment(s) you are calm, cause as we all well know what is going to happen the next time, etc.??? Life is too short to be miserable, and today woman do not have to remain in a miserable marriage due to depending on the man's financial support like many years ago, so if necessary flee young lady!!!
My parents for my whole life have had a horrible, abusive marriage, mom never had formal schooling, 8th grade education so stayed with him, but her entire life she has been miserable which made my brothers and my life miserable, probably the main reason the 3 of us have had mental disorders and still go to therapy.
So what the main thing I want to stress if you both can't agree to make this work for sure, it is best you part, go seperate ways, you have no kids right? You are young, you both have lives to live and it should be to the fullest. Don't wrap your heart around an online relationship yet, stay friends, but try to get some individual counselling if your husband is not going to go for it, still do it for yourself. Sorry about the length of this reply. Take care and let us know how things go.
"darkeyes"