I feel the same way about having PTSD. I always feel like "l'm over it" until it hits me again. Over the years it does get less disruptive, but that doesn't mean it can't still get bad when I'm under severe stress, especially if the stress includes any old triggers.

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't attend my own mother's funeral. We were estranged at the time, but the main reason was that I would have had to be there with a group of men who assaulted me and were never charged or punished. (My parents helped to protect them--it's a long story.)

I made the decision to give up on my original family about three years into therapy for flashbacks back in th early 90s. I hear from my two sisters very occasionally if someone dies or is in the hospital. Otherwise, I'm much better off estranged.

Some things you just can't fix, no matter how much you might want to. All I can really do is take care of myself and pray on the rest.

Good luck. I really related to your post.