HI jess, I am quite a bit older than you, but can relate to what you say about wanting the old me back, not being able to snap out of it / make it stop, feeling isolated and that you don't matter, no energy and difficulty concentrating. Sometimes I get really overwhelmed by this stuff and like you have some really dark thoughts - it is hard to pull back from that place, but I have faith that oneday it will get better and I need to be around to find out. Also I try to remind myself that these thoughts are not "real", but they are part of the depression, they are the symptoms of depression in the same way that pain is a symptom of a broken leg. I know it is really hard, but just keep trying to chip away at it with the help of camhs and your pdoc. I see a T and he told me to keep going even if he turns all bad in my mind - again I guess this is what the depression can do. I am trying to study at the moment and the concentration thing is so hard and frustrating, but I tell myself I just need to be patient. Actually I just joined a gym today - it was really hard to get myself there, but it was sort of nice being nice to my body for a change, doing something that I knew was good for it.

Keep posting on here Jesse if it helps - you are not wasting anyone's time. Actually it is because of people posting on here that I felt encouraged to do the same, so in fact you are helping others by sharing your experiences. SD