I think I have an idea of where you're coming from. I was just there myself, for a short time, two weeks ago. My mother had a bad fall and suffered an internal brain injury. All I could think about was how quickly I would fall apart if she died. Like, have the ambulance at the funeral to take me right to the phosp and save everyone a lot of trouble. (She's much improved today, btw).

It sounds like you're coping, but not exactly thriving. Like it would take just that last straw to send you over the edge. The nice thing about your situation is that you know what, when, and where your major stressor will be and you can plan for it. You didn't mention what was happening in three weeks, so I'm afraid I can't offer any specific suggestions, but there are some things you can do overall to help prevent a relapse.

First, make sure you have a good support system in place. Let the people in it know that you're going to need a bit of extra help and support around this event. Talk about what signs they should watch for and have a plan as to what to do if you do start to get sick. Build in small interventions along the way. If one of your signs is isolating, plan on getting out and going to a coffee shop, or calling a friend. It's much easier to repair something that's just beginning to fall rather than when it's in full crashing mode. Can your pdoc give you a prn to take in case you need it for this occasion?

Most of all, don't dwell on it. I know it gnaws at you...but you need to let it go somehow. Distract yourself with enjoyable things, or things that you need to get done before the event. If, despite your best efforts, you do have that penultimate breakdown.....you will deal with it then, however it happens. Dwelling on it may only set yourself up to crash, just from the inherent anxiety around that alone. Don't add to the stress that way.

I hope this event will be an enjoyable one and you will come through it happily and safely. If it is unpleasant, then I wish you as much peace as possible to help you endure. Right now, though, I would focus on how you will prevent a crash, and develop a safety plan.