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clouds and sun,
Different people escape reality in different ways. Some use drugs and/or alcohol. It sounds as if your way of coping is more healthy for you physically than some of the others options but as Direction says, it is not allowing you to learn to cope with some of the emotions you feel.
I hope you find a job that interests you and a real man instead of a dream.
slow
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"Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you." Rumi
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change." Carl Rogers
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