Thank you all for your replies, I sincerely appreciate it. I'm trying to take things day by day but the waiting for the window period for HIV to pass is absolutely doing my head in, and is the main cause of anxiety for my husband as well. I have good things to look forward to coming up - like my children's birthdays and a cruise that I had booked and paid for prior to my episode (my mum is coming with me in place of my husband). I just can't seem to get excited or happy about anything. Nothing makes me happy at the moment. Is that a bipolar low? Or am I upset and grieving over my lost marriage, or both? I pray every day that I will have my husband and family back together soon, and that I haven't contracted HIV. Any one who feels like praying for me would be more than welcomed. I just don't know how my husband can forgive what I have done. It's so huge. We were having a few issues prior to my episode, but nothing that wasn't fixable with some effort and counselling. Now though, I'm worried it's broken forever.