I am sorry that you're feeling so bad. I think the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself, to let go of the shame, to accept the fact that you were only a child. You didn't know the"normal" way of behavior. What we see and experience when we are young makes us feel like Everyone lives this way, acts this way. But, are we to blame? No, because we never LEARNED anything different.

The shame is hard to let go. I believe it is the last thing to go. But you care. You want to make it better, to feel better, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have to accept that because of the abuse that was inflicted on you, you acted out inappropriately. Why should you have to carry around the rest of your life this guilt of a child? It was not your fault. I say that in my head every day. I hope eventually I can fully accept it and I sincerely hope that you can too. Yokus