Hi Everyone,

I'm a 44-year old woman, been depressed most of my life on and off, and been in a three year treatment resistant depressed state. I've been under a lot of stress with health problems, work related issues, going to school, etc.

This week, wow! I'm having delusions for the the first time in my life really scary stuff. It started while reading something for a class and I started obsessing about it (it's depressing gloom and doom and I applied it to my life). At least I know I'm delusional? Now I have noticed that my spelling has been horrible for a while, I can't remember thinks and my abstract thinking is gone. I'm wondering if I have a brain tumor or alzheimer's or some other horrible condition. Maybe that's part of the delusional thinking too.

But I wonder, why would someone my age get psychotic features for the first time now? I keep having panic attacks because it scares me so much. I'm terrified this won't go away. I'm seeing my psychiatrist today. I'm afraid he won't believe me or that if he does he will put me in the hospital. I have so much I need to do I can't go inpatient.

Can anyone give me any advice. I'm so scared.

Thank you for listening.